Hakuna Matata
by loveadubdub
Summary: In which Finn, Puck, and Sam get high and watch The Lion King.


**HAKUNA MATATA**

…

There are like two things on Finn's mind right now: Rachel and graduation.

Maybe they kind of go hand in hand. He's not willing to admit it out loud or anything, but like at least fifty percent of the reason he proposed to her was so that he didn't have to worry about Rachel and graduation being two different things. Sure, he's totally in love with her and wants to marry her, but they could wait a few years. Right now, though, he doesn't even know what's going to happen after graduation, and he needs to make sure that Rachel's there no matter what.

Rachel and graduation need to be one and the same. Or something. He's not great with analogies or whatever, but he just needs to make sure that she's there when graduation happens and there when it's over.

She's gone right now, though. She's in New York at her NYADA audition or whatever. Kurt's there, too, and Burt. So yeah, it's kind of empty around the house. His mom's gone, too, because her sister just had a baby, and she just _had _to go to Columbus and see it. So it's just him and Sam home alone all weekend, and it's weird because this is literally the quietest he can ever remember this house being.

Sam's been living with them since the beginning of December, and it's been cool so far. They get along pretty good, and it's cool to have another dude his age around the house- at least one who'd rather play video games than watch Real Housewives of Whatever.

But seriously? Sam is like the most emo houseguest ever lately, and it's more than a little bit depressing.

He's hung up on Mercedes, and that's like, well, it's not working out for him. Finn doesn't want to be the one to tell him to just get the hell over it, but it's getting to that point where _somebody _needs to tell him. It's really not fair, like for real, because Sam's had like the shittiest year ever or something, and now he's hung up on some girl who is clearly not going to ditch her boyfriend for him. It just sucks. But seriously, being alone with Sam is maybe the most depressing thing ever.

So that's why he calls Puck and tells him to come over.

It's Saturday, so Puck's not even awake when he calls, and it takes like another hour and a half for him to show up looking like he pulled some clothes out of the dirty clothes hamper. He looks half-asleep, but whatever, it's not like they've got anybody to impress. Finn's still in the clothes he wore to bed, and Sam finally comes downstairs in sweatpants and a wife-beater. He looks kind of sweaty and out of breath, kind of like he's been up there jerking off or something, but it's Sam, so he's probably just been doing like 900 crunches and 500 pushups. Or whatever it is that dude does in his spare time.

They all just kind of hang out in the living room for awhile. Finn's with Puck on the couch, and Puck's eating some McDonald's he brought and didn't offer to anybody else. Sam's lying sideways across an armchair with his feet over one arm and his head over the other, and he's just like looking at the ceiling like it's the stars and he's Simba and it's gonna give him some answers or something.

"We should totally watch The Lion King."

He says it without thinking about it, and Puck and Sam both look at him like he's crazy. But no, seriously.

"That's a good movie! I haven't watched it in years."

Puck doesn't say much, but Finn can tell he's thinking about it. They used to watch it together when they were kids and skip over all the parts til they got to Timon and Pumba because Puck used to think Pumba was like the most hilarious thing ever.

Sam, though, just says, "I hate that movie."

"What?" Finn's like for real shocked because… _dude. _"That movie is awesome!"

"I hate all Disney movies."

"You are a fucking liar." Puck balls up the wrapper from his burger and tosses it at his bag (he misses, and it rolls under the coffee table). "You probably love that shit."

Sam sits up a little bit and leans back on his elbows so he can look over at the couch. "No, I don't. You wouldn't like them, either, if you had to watch them like all day long every day."

Oh. Yeah, Finn forgets that Sam's got little siblings sometimes, but that makes sense. He probably does have to watch that stuff a lot. Puck's got a little sister, too, but he never lets her watch TV when he's around, so.

Still.

"But it's _The Lion King. _That's like the best Disney movie ever."

Sam just shrugs one shoulder and lets himself fall back against the chair again. Puck, though, is at least on Finn's side. Well. Kind of.

"We should get high and watch it."

Now that's something they've never done. They've watched The Lion King plenty of times, and they've gotten high plenty of times. But never like _together. _And once the idea's out there, it kind of sounds like the best plan ever.

Puck's already pulling a bag of weed out of his pocket and tossing it onto the table beside his McDonald's bag. That's the best thing about Puck- he always has pot. Always. And if he happens to _not _have it, he can get it within like twenty minutes.

"When's Momma Carole coming back?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"And Burt's gone til Monday?"

"Yeah."

"So light it up!" Puck totally thinks he's a genius right now, and maybe he is.

But then there's Sam, who's now sitting all the way and looking at the coffee table like he has different ideas. "You can't just smoke that in your house. Your parents will totally smell it."

"Open a window, it's fine." Puck shrugs like he's done this a million times before (he has). "It only gets stuck in the furniture and shit if you do it all the time. Once won't hurt."

That's true. And they haven't ever smoked in this house before, so it's not like this will be the straw that breaks the horse's back or whatever. They can open all the living room windows- it's pretty warm for February. Everything will be cool.

Finn runs downstairs to the basement so he can find the movie. He knows they've got it, he's just gotta dig through the DVD collection to find it. There're like a ton of movies down here, and basically nobody in his family's got the same taste, so there are a lot of different kinds. Turns out, though, that the Disney movies are all kind of together in one place, so finding The Lion King isn't that hard at all. And when he gets back upstairs, Puck's already on his knees by the coffee table pulling seeds out. Sam's still in his chair just watching.

Puck has papers and everything, and he starts rolling while Finn gets the movie into the DVD player. This is going to be awesome. Best idea ever.

"We should get some more and make brownies." Puck's licks the paper to seal the joint, and then he wipes his tongue on his hand.

"Yeah!" Finn hits play and comes back over to sit on the floor beside Puck after he opens the windows. There's a cool breeze, but it's not too bad. The heat's on, so it'll probably even out or whatever. "Brownies would be awesome!"

Sam hasn't moved, and Finn almost wants to laugh when he says, "Do you know how many calories are in one brownie," but he doesn't because the look on Puck's face is so priceless he can't even deal.

"Dude. I will punch you in the fucking face if you start talking about some fat intake or some shit."

Sam's glaring at him, and this is all kind of funny but also all leading up to potentially be dramatic. And no, no drama. The Lion King and pot. This is a drama-free zone.

"We'll do brownies later if we feel like it." Finn's got to run interference because somebody needs to. "You got a lighter?"

Puck pulls one out of his pocket because _of course _he has a lighter. He always calls dibs on the first hit, too, because he's always the one rolling and says that's the rule. Whatever. Sounds legit.

Puck takes a hit and holds it for a few seconds and then passes over to Finn. They haven't smoked together in awhile, which means Finn hasn't smoked _at all _in awhile. Puck's high like at least eighty percent of the time, but Finn never really does it by himself, and it's sure as hell not like he's gonna ask Rachel to light up with him. She'd kill him if she knew he _ever _did it, so yeah. He's not going there.

He coughs a little bit because he's not used to it, but then he lets it settle, and it's pretty smooth after that. He breathes in slowly, trying to get as much of it to his lungs as possible right as the opening notes of Circle of Life start playing.

But then he holds it up to Sam, and all he gets in response is this look like he's crazy or something.

Puck's shaking his head like he's got something really hilarious to say, and it takes Finn a few seconds to realize that Sam's not taking the joint because he's probably _never _taken a joint. Which means he's never been high. And there's a really good chance he's about to lecture them on the dangers of drug use. That could either be hilarious or turn into a really dumb fight, so Finn tries to shut it down before it even starts.

"You don't want it?" It's just a question. He just wants to make sure, and he's really just asking to be polite or something because _obviously _Sam doesn't want it or he would have already taken it.

He's a little surprised when Sam doesn't outright refuse it. Instead, he just says, "I've never really done it before," in this quiet voice like he knows he's about to be made fun of.

Finn's nice enough that he's not gonna let Puck give the kid shit over it, so he just says, "You can try it if you want. If you don't, it's cool."

Sam looks like he's thinking about it, which is seriously more than Finn expected. But he's scared or something, too, and that's obvious. "What if they drug test at school or something? I can't get kicked off the team."

Puck _snorts _at that, like for real snorts, like it's the most hilarious thing he's ever heard or something. "They don't drug test at McKinley, and if they did, do you _really _think they'd start with fucking _synchronized swimming?"_

Finn bites down on his back teeth to keep from smiling because Puck's right, but he doesn't want to make Sam feel bad or whatever. But seriously. He still can't believe that Sam's on the synchronized swimming team and at least likes it enough to not quit as soon as he got his letterman.

Sam's glaring at Puck again, and this whole day has the potential to either be really funny or a disaster if those two keep doing this.

"You want it or not?" Puck snaps. "Because if you don't, I need another hit. You're already killing my buzz, and I'm not even high yet."

Sam does another little glare and then slides down to the floor on the other side of the table. He takes the joint that Finn's still holding, and he just kind of looks at it for a second.

"You've never smoked _at all?" _Finn can tell he has no clue what he's supposed to do.

"I tried to smoke a cigarette when I was thirteen, but I got caught, and then I thought my dad was gonna beat me to death." Sam's still staring at it like he's mentally talking himself into it.

"Well, your dad's not here, and your temp dad's not, either. So either smoke the shit or hand it over." Puck sounds annoyed, but it apparently works because Sam finally does it.

And then he chokes and coughs so hard that there's a second when Finn legit thinks he's gonna stop breathing.

His whole face is bright red in like three seconds, which has got to be some kind of record or something because dude's like the whitest person ever, and he's seriously wheezing. Finn leans over the table and smacks him on the back a few times because that's what his mom used to always do to him when he was coughing really hard. Puck is cracking up, though, like this is the funniest thing ever, and all of this goes on for probably like a whole sixty seconds until Sam finally starts getting some air into his lungs again.

"Dude," Puck's still laughing, "please tell me you didn't fill that whole giant mouth up with smoke and then try to swallow it."

Sam's still red, which could either be left over from his choking fit or could be embarrassment or maybe both. He shoves the joint at Puck and doesn't say a word, though, so it's really obvious that that's exactly what he did.

"You have to take it in slowly. And then like hold it in your lungs til it starts to sting, and then let it out slowly." Puck demonstrates the perfect way to take a hit, and Sam just watches like he's kind of jealous and kind of embarrassed. It's also kind of funny.

The second round goes smoother all around. Finn doesn't cough this time, and Sam coughs but doesn't like come within death's reach or anything. So it's cool. Plus, I Just Can't Wait to Be King is on, and hell yes.

"Glad we get to pop your weed cherry," Puck says, taking it back from Sam and kind of bouncing his head to the music. "Now if you'd just get the other one popped, you'd be set."

Finn shouldn't find it funny, but he does. A little bit anyway. He doesn't know why Puck's set on making Sam cry or whatever, but it's a little bit funny because he never realized before how Sam's like this little brother that none of them knew they were missing. He's cool, but he _is _kind of innocent and naïve. Like maybe they don't smoke weed in Tennessee or something because the cows eat it all. Or something. There are a lot of cows in Ohio, too, but there _have _to be more in Tennessee. It's Tennessee.

Sam's doing that scowl thing again that he's been doing a lot lately ever since he decided to be the most depressed person at school or whatever. But this one's also kind of pissed off. Like he's about to deny it but knows there's no point. It doesn't matter anyway because Puck's not giving up.

"I can't believe _Santana _wouldn't even do you." Puck's got the joint back to his mouth and takes a few seconds to let it settle.

"Santana's a lesbian." Sam says this like it's a fact, which it is, but… yeah. Not a relevant fact.

"She did me." Finn doesn't really know why he says it because he's not trying to be an asshole or whatever, even though his best friend clearly has that at the top of his list.

That's proven when Puck says, "She did me, too. Like a hundred times."

Sam shoots them both dirty looks, and then he like for real _pouts _and says, "Well, congratulations! You probably both have crabs or something!" in this voice that makes him sound about ten. And is also fucking hilarious.

That just makes them both laugh, and then Puck says, "If we've got them, so do you. You've had your mouth all over this," and holds the joint up as proof. And no, that doesn't make sense at all, but Finn's head is getting a little bit fuzzy, and he's not sure why.

Sam looks confused for like ten seconds, probably because he's trying to figure out if that's true. It's not, but he obviously can't come to that conclusion, either, because he says, "Only if you've had each other's dicks in your mouths!" like it's something that makes sense, too.

If any of them took a second to think, they'd realize that _none _of it makes sense, but for some reason, getting to that point is just a little too difficult right now. This must be the best weed ever.

Whatever, Sam's accusation shuts Puck up, and Finn gets another hit, which is awesome, and this time he's able to hold it for a little bit longer than he was before.

They smoke the whole thing til there's nothing left, and Finn feels pretty damn awesome. He can tell Puck's baked because he's got that look in his eyes like there's something making them jump or something. But Sam's just sitting there looking kind of mad and not at all relaxed like he should be.

"I don't feel anything." He picks up the bag of leftovers and holds it up to investigate. "Are you sure this stuff works?"

But Puck's staring at him like he's seeing something amazing for the first time, and Finn's not even sure what's going on til Puck reaches over and takes Sam's hand in both of his own. Sam just stares at him like he's crazy, and the Ziploc baggie falls back to the table.

"Dude." And Puck's got Sam's hand pulled like almost all the way to his face. "Has your hand always been this big?"

Sam doesn't look like he knows what the fuck is going on, but Finn wants to know, so he leans closer to see for himself. And holy shit, this kid's hand _is _huge. Like abnormally huge. Like his mouth, but this is his _hand. _

"You have a really big hand," he says seriously, and Puck nods like it's the most serious thing ever.

Sam pulls it away and puts it in his lap, but he kind of looks down, so it's way obvious that he's wondering why he never noticed his giant mutant hand before. Maybe Sam is an X-Man or something, and his super power is like growing abnormally large body parts that don't fit the rest of him. Finn almost says this out loud (because come on, Sam would fucking _love _that), but the words take forever to get to his mouth, and right when they do, he realizes that could seriously, seriously be the gayest thing he ever said. So he just doesn't say it.

Instead, he says, "Oh, my god, Simba's all grown up!" because he notices the TV and remembers that they're supposed to be watching. Plus, Simba. Yeah. Simba.

"Hakuna Matata." Puck smiles at him, and they fist bump because this is _just _like their childhood. Only with marijuana.

"If this was real life, Simba could eat all of us." Sam's staring at the movie with this really weird look on his face like suddenly everything's making sense. "He'd kill us. And then he'd feed us to Nala and all his other wives."

That's depressing, but like… _real. _

"Simba doesn't have other wives." Puck's looking like he's trying to figure out if Sam's telling the truth, but he's obviously suspicious or something.

"Uh-huh! Or he will. Like later. In the sequel." Sam looks back at the television. "There's no other boys. Somebody has to recreate with all the chicks."

It sounds like he's talking _so slowly, _but Finn is glad because this is way deep, and he needs time to process it.

"Procreate." Puck says this like it's important, but honestly, Finn doesn't even know what he's talking about. Then he closes his eyes for a really long time like he's taking it all in. And when he opens them, he says, "Simba is a _pimp."_

"I wonder if he's Mormon."

Finn has _no _idea what they're talking about now because the colors on the TV are all swirling together like they're moving or something. And yeah, they _are _moving. But like they're moving _together. _It's super sick. Like amazing. The most beautiful thing ever probably.

He gets distracted because Puck's looking at Sam again like he's trying to figure something out. "Is your real name Samuel?"

Sam raises one eyebrow, which is awesome because Puck's the only person Finn knows who's ever actually been able to do that. And now he knows two.

"Yeah…"

Puck laughs, and Finn's not sure what's funny. Neither is Sam apparently because he comes out and asks, "Why is that funny?"

Puck shrugs. "I dunno. It just is."

Sam looks offended for whatever reason and says, "Is your real name _Puckuel?" _ And Finn can totally tell that he thinks he's being a smartass, but he really kind of sounds like the opposite…

"Are you trying to say _punctual?" _Puck's wide-eyed and looking way too amused.

"No." Sam's all defensive now. But then he's like, "Maybe…" And Finn's laughing, too. "Whatever, I'm watching this movie." He sounds like a little kid, and it really is kind of the funniest thing ever.

There's probably nine hours of silence, and they're all just sitting there watching the movie. This was for real the best idea ever because… The colors are awesome. So is this movie. So is this weed. Awesome, awesome. Awesome.

Then there's this crazy loud buzzing that sounds like an alarm, and they're all sitting up looking around to see whatever the hell is making this noise. But then Finn figures it out and laughs when he sees his phone vibrating on the floor almost under the couch. He has to stretch really far to get it, but he makes it. But when he picks it up, he drops it right back because holy shit.

"It's my mom."

Puck and Sam both look really scared, too, but then the vibrating stops, and Puck shakes his head. "Dude, it's fine."

But shit. His _mom _is going to know they're in here smoking up in her new living room. And holy crap, she's gonna kill them all. Like for real murder them. And then she'll tell Burt, and he'll bring them back from the dead to murder them all over again. And then she'll probably tell _Rachel, _and she's going to torture them before she kills them. This is bad. This is so bad.

He doesn't realize he's said all this out loud til Puck is shaking his head. "She's not gonna know. Just tell her you were asleep."

"She _will _know." He's sure of it. He's not sure why, but he just knows.

"Oh, my god." Sam looks like he's gonna be sick or freak out or possibly both. "Oh, my god, my parents are going to flip the fuck out." This is for real the first time Finn can remember Sam saying the F word, and it sounds so weird. And why is he _talking _so slow. "What if the cops come? This is illegal."

"The cops are not coming." Puck looks like a teacher right now or something. "Fucking chill out. Both of you."

Finn's not sure why, but he listens and tells himself to chill out. Sam, though, looks like a hot panicked mess or something.

"Oh, my god, I can't go to _prison! _Do you know what's gonna happen to me in prison?"

Puck's staring at him, and then it's like some light bulb goes off or something. "You'd get mouth-raped like twelve times a day…"

"I _know!" _Sam is for real about to cry, and he puts his hand over his mouth like this is somehow going to stop the rest of the prisoners from holding him down and figuring out just how many balls can fit in there. Puck, though, is totally distracted again.

"Why is your hand _so big _today?"

"Just calm down." Finn's been trying to say it for hours, but he finally gets it out. He tries to sound like an adult or something so maybe Sam'll listen. "The cops aren't coming. And my mom's in Columbus."

"And your dad's in New York," Sam says slowly, like he's trying to talk himself into not freaking out. Finn nods, and Sam takes this really deep breath and shakes his head. "I don't like this."

Finn pats him on the back a little bit to like reassure him or something. It feels really weird, though, because he realizes that his fingertips are just so good at feeling today. Like they're tingly and stuff. It's crazy awesome. Still, he's got to make sure Sam's okay, so he says, "Just watch the movie," like he's being a good big brother to this little brother he just realized he had til just today.

Sam does just that for a few minutes, and then he says out of nowhere, "I want a churro."

This is, for some reason, the funniest thing ever, and Finn's glad Puck thinks so, too. They're both cracking up, but Sam just looks confused like he can't figure out what's so funny. It doesn't even matter, though, because it's hilarious.

"Wouldn't a churro taste so awesome right now?"

"My mom bought those chocolate Little Debbie things last week." Finn can't believe how much he wants to eat one right now, and he's really wishing the kitchen wasn't like fifteen miles away.

"Those aren't churros."

"No, but they're awesome. Just wait."

And they all wait because Finn realizes he can't really stand up. Like his fingers are doing such a kickass job of feeling today, but his legs don't work. This is crazy.

Finally, though, _finally _he's able to actually get up. He feels really tall, and he giggles because Puck and Sam look like midgets or something sitting there on the floor. Or maybe like regular size people, and he's a giant or something. It's funny until Puck punches the back of his leg and tells him to go get the cookies.

The kitchen is a long walk from the living room, and it's crazy how he never realized how much _stuff _there is in this house. Like way more than in his old house. There's like… _stuff. _A ton of it.

He can't remember where the cookies are supposed to be. In one of the cabinets, he's sure, but there's like a billion of those. He goes to the first one and pushes and pushes, but the door won't open. Then he laughs because he's supposed to _pull, _and duh. But there's no cookies in here. Just dishes, like a lot of dishes. Why do they have so many dishes? There's only four of them, plus Sam, so that's five. But there are like a million plates in here and probably a million bowls, too. That's way too many for five people.

He doesn't find the cookies, but he finds this bag of Salt and Vinegar chips and a jar of peanut butter. And both of those sound really good right now, so he takes them both back to the living room and also grabs a banana because Sam's really picky about what he eats, and he doesn't want to be rude.

When he gets back, Puck and Sam are both just sitting there with their hands together, like palm to palm, and they're both staring like they're trying to figure out _why _one is bigger than the other. They look so dumb, but it's hilarious, so Finn laughs and throws the food down on the floor beside Puck before he sits back down. Apparently the food is enough to distract Puck because he drops his hand and immediately reaches for the chips.

"Awesome!"

"Did you find a churro?" Sam still looks halfway confused, and it's really funny because he's so new at this that he has no idea what's going on. Finn shakes his head and hands him the banana. That just makes him even more confused. "This is a banana."

Puck looks up and says, "Dude, give me that!" and grabs it away. He peels it and breaks off a piece, and then opens the peanut butter and dips it right in. "This is awesome."

It _looks _awesome, and Finn wants to try it, so he holds out his hand expectantly, and Puck can totally read his mind or something because he breaks him off a piece and hands it over freshly dipped.

"This is amazing," he says because it _is, _but his mouth is all full of peanut butter, so it's hard to talk. And he sounds like something on a cartoon or something, which just makes him laugh. And then Puck laughs. And Sam just sits there like he doesn't have a fucking clue what is going on.

"You okay?" Puck holds out the banana to Sam like he's offering it to him or something, but Sam has this really big frown on his face. Like he even bigger than he normally has lately. "Dude, what's wrong?"

"I don't feel good."

He says it, and then everything after that for real happens in slow motion. Sam moves like he's trying to stand up, but his legs must not work, either, or something because he only gets to his knees. And then he gets this really weird look on his face right before he starts puking. Like for real _puking _all over the coffee table and like half on the floor. Finn just sits there and watches because what the hell else is he supposed to do? Puck's in shock, too, but he moves really fast out of the way because he's like directly in the line of vomit.

"Dude, what the _fuck?"_

Sam finally stops puking, after like seriously hours. Then it's like total silence except Can You Feel the Love Tonight, which is _so loud _ coming from the TV right now. Sam's face is all sweaty, and his eyes are watering. He's staring at the table like he can't believe that just happened, and he's not the only one because what the _fuck!_

It takes Finn maybe five seconds to realize that his mom is going to legitimately kick his ass over this, and it's like the panic sets right back. "Oh, my god, we gotta clean this up before it stains the hardwood!"

"Can puke stain hardwood?" Now that Puck's safely out of the line of throw up, he seems much more laidback. Like this isn't the worst thing to ever happen in this living room.

"I don't know!" Finn's freaking out now, and Sam's just sitting there looking really pale and sweaty and like he might be sick again at any second. "We have to clean it up!"

Nobody's moving, though, and Finn's not really sure why. Can't they both see that this is a disaster? His mom will ground him til graduation. And Sam, too, probably. If she's allowed to ground him or whatever, which she probably is. And she won't waste like two minutes before she's calling Puck's mom and ratting them all out, so nobody is safe right now. Not when there's evidence in the form of disgustingly gross and smelly _vomit _all over the table and the floor.

"I don't know how to clean up puke." Puck's all calm and shit, and he's seriously sitting there eating chips and leaning back against the couch like this is not a disaster or something. Finn wants to punch him, but he's not really sure he can make his arm cooperate right now because it feels all wiggly. Weird. It feels like he doesn't have any bones in it… Like in that one Harry Potter movie. Awesome.

No. No, no. He has to stay focused. Puck's no help, and Sam's sitting there and might as well be in a daze because he's just staring and not moving, and Finn already knows he's going to be like _zero _help.

"I don't know how to clean it up, either!" He shakes his head because this cannot be happening to him.

"Call one of the girls." Puck's got his mouth full of chips, and he holds the bag out to Finn who pushes it away and rolls his eyes.

"Call _what _girl?" No girl they know is going to come over and clean up vomit, and Puck's way higher than he's ever been if he thinks they are.

Puck chews on a chip and looks thoughtful for a little while. Then he swallows and says, "Tina. Call Tina."

Finn just stares at him. He doesn't even know what is happening right now. _"Tina?" _He shakes his head because he can't even figure out what is going on. "Why am I calling Tina?"

"Because she's the only girl in glee I've never made out with." Puck shrugs like this makes all the sense in the world.

And Sam. Sam, who has been sitting there doing _nothing _since he puked up the world's biggest pile of pink vomit ever, finally looks up at that and gives some kind of indication that he's still alive. "When did you make out with Mercedes?"

Finn rolls his eyes because he's like three seconds from forcing his arm to grow some bones so he can punch both these dickheads. And people say _he's _the dumb one.

"Way before you, grasshopper."

Puck pops another chip into his mouth and then uses the couch to push himself into a standing position. He's better at being high than the rest of them are, and he actually walks pretty good til he's standing behind Sam. Finn just watches as Puck bends down and hooks his arms under Sam's so he can pull him up, too. Sam's not nearly as good at walking, but Puck keeps him upright and manages to get him all the way down the hall and into the bathroom. Finn doesn't even know what's happening, but he hears the water turn on, and he's in the living room all by himself staring at the mess.

He doesn't have any better ideas, so he grabs his phone and picks it up. His mom's missed call is still on the screen, and he tries really hard not to think about her killing hime while he's staring at the vomit and the food and the half bag of pot that's still lying out in plain sight. He scrolls through his contacts until he finds the one he needs and hits send.

"Hello?" Tina sounds way confused, and that's not surprising because it's not like he calls her a lot or whatever. But hearing her sound that way is kind of funny, and Finn laughs a little bit even though he doesn't know why. "Finn?"

"Hey, Tina."

"Hi…"

"Um… Sam puked."

There's silence on the other end, and it goes on forever. Like for real forever. And then Tina says, "Okay?" like she's confused.

"Puck said to call you."

"Are you high?"

Holy crap, how can she tell that? "No!" Then he laughs for no reason, but it is kind of funny that she's like some super Asian or something and can see across town or through a phone line or whatever. "Kind of."

"Finn."

"Don't tell Rachel."

"Oh, my god."

"Can you come clean it up please?" He tries to sound like he's whining because that usually works on girls. Or at least it usually works on Rachel. Not that he's ever asked her to clean up vomit before or whatever, but it works on other things.

"Finn, I'm hanging up." Tina sounds really mean, and he opens his mouth to tell her that, but his phone beeps before he can, and when he looks at the screen it's flashing that the call has ended.

Well, crap.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. This is a disaster. And Tina's no freaking help. God, useless.

But whoa. The lions are like fighting hyenas on TV right now, and holy shit, this is the coolest thing he's ever seen in his life. They're just so… ferocious! And it's all a bunch of dark colors like swimming around together. Wow.

He grabs the chips and pops a handful into his mouth. This was for real the best idea ever.

Puck is a genius.

…


End file.
